Well, well, if it isn’t derek, my old marijuana vendor. You certainly have gained a lot of weight since we last spoke, haven’t you, Derek?

DEREK, THE OLD MARIJUANA VENDOR: Yes, it’s true, I’ve gained probably close to sixteen, seventeen pounds since we met last fall, at the gay-guy festival.

Q: What’s been going on? Have you been depressed?

D: Can’t lie to you, Winthrop, I’ve been sad, so I’ve been eating. Although it’s an interesting question — have I been depressed. Sure I have — that’s one of the main things that’s compelled me to smoke so much marijuana, which in part is what then compelled me to eat four, five lunches at a time. Another way to look at it is I’ve eaten several breakfasts, followed closely by a brunch or two, then a lunch, then a dinner. Being hungry isn’t something I’ve been up to very much lately. But have I been depressed while I’ve been eating? Probably, although another part of me — the part that likes to toss other dudes’ salads — just kidding — thinks that mebbe I have been depressed over-all, sure, but not when I’m performing the ‘destructive’ behaviour — eating, smoking, pouring hot wax into my bungie [editor’s note: this is with a hard g, as in ‘ghee‘] — that I’m not depressed during those times. Also vending pot means there’s always a lot around. And it also means I’ve got funds, which means I’ve got frozen food galore.

I’ll often taken leftover marijuana — the ‘shake’ — and rub in into my erection until I have these weird ‘weed-chafes’ all over my shaft.

Q: Damn, son! Well that’s all the time we have