awesome science experiment

  1. Drink a fuckload of coffee every day for like 10 years
  2. quit drinking coffee cold-turkey. Make it through the withdrawals, till you are getting work done without coffee, you’re coffee-free in ’93, everything is fine
  3. Pounding green tea all day like a master, sitting there all peaceful at your desk
  4. Unshowered and unshaved (or, as Auden would have it, “unwashed, unshat“), take the bus to work. Decide on the bus that today is a Coffee Day. Buy an egg sandwich and small coffee ($3.25 total) from the dark Bakery next to Cancun on Mission.
  5. Drink the coffee and go batshit bonkers insane!! Rub up against your coworkers’ knees like a human kitty. Think hard and long and fond about the dollop of catsup the bakers put on your sandwich. Shiver with warmth, shiver with pleasure. Play marathonpacks’ best-of 2006 mix on your computer speakers for all of the office to hear. Tickle the interns!! Etc!!!!