Black Wednesday (White Pizza)

PLEASE STOP REPLYING ALL TO THIS EMAIL THREAD

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EVERYONE IS GETTING ALL OF THE EMAILS AND MY BLACKBERRY IS WRITHING IN PAROXYMS OF PLEASURE AND IT IS GIVING A DISEASE TO MY UPPER THIGH AND I CAN’T ENJOY MY WHITE PIZZA WITH MY WIFE

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SERIOUSLY, MY BLACKBERRY IS LIKE “I’M COMING, OH, I’M COMING” AND THEN IT’S JUSTĀ  YOU FOOLS REPLYING-ALL, TELLING EVERYONE TO STOP REPLYING ALL. IT’S DRIVING ME BONKERS!!!!!!
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[Editor’s note: Every time I hear the word Bonkers I become happy. This can’t last forever, but for now, if it seems like I’m about to murder you, just whisper “bonkers” and it’s like my safe word, I’ll back down.]
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[Note: Tommy’s Book Club is “doing” 2666 and even though I have acres of other stuff I gots to do I think I’m going to do it because otherwise I won’t read it until, like … “2666” …LOL!!!! Tommy is really “open and free” so if you live in the Bay Area and are reading this I bet it’d be ok if you came!!!!]
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PLEASE STOP REPLYING ALL EVERYBODY
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ALL OF YOU WHO ARE REPLYING-ALL JUST TO TELL EVERYONE TO STOP REPLYING ALL YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS THE PEOPLE WHO UNCONSTRUCTIVELY TELL EVERYONE TO REMOVE THEM FROM THIS LIST, WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN IS FOR EVERYONE TO JUST STOP REPLYING-ALL AND JUST SIT IN BLACKBERRY ZAZEN SILENCE, AND THAT IS THE ONLY WAY THE EMAILS WILL STOP
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PLEASE
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MY BLACKBERRY

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MY WHITE PIZZA
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ANYWAY, I LOVE THIS RESTAURANT

MY AGENT TOOK ME HERE

SHE BOUGHT MY NOVEL
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HER AGENCY IS CALLED “ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, AND FIREARMS”

ISN’T THAT CLEVER?

MY AGENT JOKES, “MY NAME IS PATTY TOBACCO — AND JEREMY, HE’S DEFINITELY JEREMY ALCOHOL!!! I GUESS THAT MAKES ORRIN ‘MR. FIREARMS’!” WRY SMILE, SWIRLING SIZZLE STICK
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YOU KNOW THE DRILL