Have a seat! Or stand, sure! Would you like some Ovaltine? Here is a new sandwich I invented. It looks like a set of teeth and gums, but it’s edible. It’s the precise dimensions of your jaws. It’s got bread, but the bread’s on the inside — the teeth are the bread. The outside is an anchovy–iceberg lettuce hybrid compound I developed called Carnacetti
Hey, also, sorry about the whole “blog thing”
I’m moving next month, so if you think you have my mailing address, you don’t. I am staying in San Francisco, same neighborhood, which nearly every day recently I marvel at how much I love. It. The whole city. It’s like Barcelona without all that pesky Carnacetti.
I hate it when my friends pick up dog-pee leaves from the autumn pavement and their jumpers groan with a sickly crinkle as they straighten back up. (?)
One time I was maybe 12 or 13 at a fancy event and an anonymous male family member was like “someday you’ll be getting a blowjob from a Swedish woman in the men’s room at an event like this.” And I was simultaneously horrified and grateful. Don’t click here.