Have a seat! Or stand, sure! Would you like some Ovaltine? Here is a new sandwich I invented. It looks like a set of teeth and gums, but it’s edible. It’s the precise dimensions of your jaws. It’s got bread, but the bread’s on the inside — the teeth are the bread. The outside is an anchovy–iceberg lettuce hybrid compound I developed called Carnacetti


Hey, also, sorry about the whole “blog thing”

I’m moving next month, so if you think you have my mailing address, you  don’t. I am staying in San Francisco, same neighborhood, which nearly every day recently I marvel at how much I love. It. The whole city. It’s like Barcelona without all that pesky Carnacetti.

I hate it when my friends pick up dog-pee leaves from the autumn pavement and their jumpers groan with a sickly crinkle as they straighten back up. (?)

One time I was maybe 12 or 13 at a fancy event and an anonymous male family member was like “someday you’ll be getting a blowjob from a Swedish woman in the men’s room at an event like this.” And I was simultaneously horrified and grateful. Don’t click here.

  • Yussuf Jerusalem is pretty awesome (via Tommy, who needs an anonymous bloghandle, but it’s far too late now, so his anonymous bloghandle will henceforth be “Tommy,” with the caveat that that’s probably not his “real” name. Buy their records, so I don’t have to.)
  • More uncle Dave paintings