Portal to a 1970s Glasgow Elevator (Carpeted)

—Hey Peener will you hand me that relic bone?
—We’re all going to see Animal Collective we have to leave in ten minutes I don’t have time
—O Can I come?
—No only sexually active kids can come you’re a virgin
—Not a virgin…
—Might as well be, you’re effectively a virgin, your virginity re-forms after eight years of abstience
—This sucks I liked A.C. before any of you guys. I saw them in a flooded basement in Oberlin back when they were still called Avey Tare and Panda Bear
—I bet you’re gonna tell me about the crazy things you would put in your salad in the dining hall too, aren’t you? God just move out of my way, Ankle, I’m getting ready
—You know I hate that nickname Ankle. Don’t call me that. I won’t try to go to your stupid show but don’t call me Ankle it’s really hurtful
—I wonder what else would be really hurtful how about a tittie twister [administers a ‘tittie-twister’]
—[howls in pain] God fuck you I can’t wait till I get my UK work visa I’ma go work as a elevator attendant in 1970s Glasgow for the rest of time, that’s what God put me on this Earth to be
—yeah, good luck with that

2 thoughts on “Portal to a 1970s Glasgow Elevator (Carpeted)

  1. mmm, raisins, honey mustard dressing, big tofu cubes that made me feel slightly sick but were sort of delectable. sunflower seeds.

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