COWARD: More beef? More chocolate?
HERO: Nah. Time to push off.
COWARD: Please stay? For another five minutes? [Palms a piece of chocolate into his face.] For another forty?
HERO: Nah. Gotta go. Stay whatever, kid.
COWARD: Babette is coming home soon–wouldn’t you like to see her?
HERO: [Eyebrows waggle] Uh, yeah, I would. When’s she get here?
COWARD: In an hour. Less. She’s on the Dittobahn, past Eyes Chreaste. She sent me a text.
HERO: [Flexing] Lemme see it.
COWARD: No, I mean, my phone is–
HERO: Are you lying to me?
COWARD: [Soils pants] Yeah, I mean, hey, wait
[They make love]
YOUR HOST, JIMINY CRICKET: Whoops! Looks like the MPAA made a boo-boo! This film is NC-17, not PG-13 as advertised! Sowwwy! [JIMINY CRICKET joins the “orgy”]
BETO G.: Hey, what’s up, bro?! [High-fives a CLOUD IN PANTS]
CLOUD IN PANTS: Yo, dude, Avatar in three Gs!
BETO: Yeahh! Smoke some weed! Three thousand dollars!
AFFABLE MOM: [Laughing good naturedly] Wow, wait, what? This is insane!
COWARD: [Extracts himself from the orgy] Mom, what are you doing here?
AFFABLE MOM: Moms like watching movies too, you know! I have more than one Phish CD in my music library, young man!
COWARD: You’re not going to smoke pot on TV, are you?
AFFABLE MOM: Who do you think pays for your subscription to Cracked magazine, young man?
COWARD: You know I’m really grateful to get Cracked in the mail, mom. But I don’t think you should be here— some of these guys…
AFFABLE MOM: I can take care of myself, Gerald. And don’t forget to do your Italian homework.
COWARD: I dropped Italian, mom. I’m not taking it anymore.
AFFABLE MOM: That’s fine, sweetie. But what are you going to do for your language requirement?
COWARD: Latin. Or maybe French? I’m getting really into poetry, mom!
AFFABLE MOM: Well, I don’t need to remind you of all the wonderful poetry in Italian, Gerry.
COWARD: Really? Like what?
AFFABLE MOM: Dante, anyone? My goodness! [Farting sound]