MOM: I haven’t had any coffee in three days
DAD: Me neither
MOM: I know — because we are the same person!!
DAD: I wish a person would come over and touch my face
MOM: A woman?
DAD: Anyone. A cartoon ostrich. Sure, a woman.
MOM: I’ll come over and touch your face
DAD: It’d be better if it was someone I didn’t know. A stranger walks into the office, asks someone a question, I can’t hear what they said, they point in my general direction, the female stranger walks up to my desk, I am still typing, super busy gotta finish this thought hang on I’ll be with you in one moment, and before I can finish they crouch down and press a thumb gently into my cheek!
MOM: Is this erotica
DAD: No. it’s “critical thinking”. They then kiss my cheek, and I smile.
MOM: You’re slow and boring and sad without your coffee!